Personal preparation first {Eritrea}

I hope this finds you all well! I have decided to share my travel journal with the Liberator Magazine family. I have written travel journals before and never shared them, but I think for those of you who would like to travel more and maybe have reservations hopefully this will be of some help. I will spend a month in Eritrea and this is basically a tell all about my preparation, experiences and return. I hope this inspires you all to travel to places you are most afraid of going.

Nov 30, 2008 8:15pm: So I start this journal in the spirit of sharing it this time. It’s funny that I actually started this in the same journal I used while in Kenya, only because I was unable to find the journal I plan on using for this trip. I decided to start journaling early. I feel something brewing in my soul something special. something real is going to happen on this trip. I think I’ll come face to face with something my hearts beats for, something my soul yearns for, my thoughts are thirsty for. I am ready. Yes, I am ready, I am willing, I am afraid, but not intimidated. There is some sense of peace in not knowing. This doesn’t mean that the unrest that often accompanies fear cease to exist. When I think about this trip I am reminded of being in love. I mean deeply in love. Maybe with your soul mate, but maybe he or she doesn’t know it. The butterflies in your tummy, the change of pace in your heart beat, the intensity in which you listen when they speak. The passion filled day dreams, restless nights, and obvious inability to hide the way you feel no matter whom is around.

Maybe it is love that I will find. Maybe my soul will meet its match. Maybe my heart will finally feel full. Maybe my spirit will become content.

By “find love,” I do not mean romantic love. I mean love in every capacity possible. The kind of love I believe God intended everybody to find. Where there is no true desire to actually ask questions you think you want answered, because maybe then the truth might matter too much. This might ruin the love, the perfection in it.

I am ready to experience this love. I can’t wait to give fully and freely to this love. I can’t wait for this love to make me whole, to fulfill the destiny of my passions and desires at this point in time.

What I have come to realize is that love doesn’t represent permanency, it just is. It can’t actually truly be defined because there are too many standards. But I do know that I love it, I love love. With every inch of my being I love love. I smile to myself while I write this because I see and understand that if I understood what love is in the way I have come to understand it, I would have been content, completely content a long time ago. But there are no mistakes that the universe makes, although there are mistakes that I have made. Although I hate to admit it, because of these mistakes there are also regrets which I still hate to admit…But why lie? Why hide? Just be honest. I chose to be true. I chose to tell all and share everything with you. Why should I be ashamed of who I am, who I have become? We should all learn, as I am learning now, to share ourselves. I hope you enjoy me.

Dec 1, 2008 1:13am: So I though about my fears and what they might be. I thought about how I would deal with them. How I would solve these problems.

I figured I should first explain what it is that I am doing. Ok, so what I am doing is... Am I really sure? I guess that explains my fears.

My intention is to basically go to Eritrea and bring together my subjects for a documentary I plan to complete in the summer. I plan to flush out my story, make connections, form relationships and sign on Eritrean filmmakers. All that in a month, it’s not a lot of time at all.

Now a fear I have is that I have no idea how to speak Tigrinya, nor read it. I am not sure where to start with this once I arrive. Why do I feel so propelled to go to this place yet I am so afraid of what is going to happen. I think it is because I just don’t know what to expect. I was once told that “The world belongs to those who are willing to go from the known to the unknown.” I thought it to be pretty profound at the time. Now I finally have some use for it.

I have been to East Africa before; I am not a stranger to the region. These days I feel like a stranger to myself. Why am I afraid? When have I have ever been afraid to travel anywhere? Never, is the answer to that question. I haven’t really had too many fears in my life, except love. Loving things and loving people. Interesting Huh? Maybe it is in Eritrea that I will conquer my fear embrace my ability to love and find love in all that is lovable. Be myself completely whether you like it or not. I think I am going to be making out with life, making love to the wind, cuddling with the sun and immersed in the crevasses of the red clay. There is a song that I am thinking of that I sing before shooting a film, just to get centered and it goes “earth my body, water my soul, air my breath and fire spirit.” Learn to love all these things, to transform into all these things and I believe you will be whole.

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