polygyny/polyfidelity: realistic solution to oppression & disunity?



In the following email about polygamy/polygyny/polyfidelity, a reader, sharing her thoughts after an individual study on the subject, wonders if a modified or resurrected, egalitarian version (Above: "TriTalk | Is the Love Equal?" YOUTUBE) of the practice might be an immediate solution to and defense against persistent forms of politico-economic oppression such as greed ...


(Above: Red Table Talk "Unconventional Relationships, Jada, Gammy & Willow explore alternatives to conventional marriage as they meet a "throuple" – 2 women & a man in a three-way romantic relationship. Plus, Jada & Willow embarrass Gammy by revealing their thoughts about multiple partner scenarios" FACEBOOK WATCH)



(Above: The Co-Wives YOUTUBE)


(Above: 3, The New Normal 2016 YOUTUBE | IMDB)

She specifically mentioned an example where perhaps a father has children with different women yet those women choose to get along and foster and cultivate their relationships with each other for the purpose of making sure the children feel at home even when they are with their "step" mothers. In fact, I'm sure this type of thing happens pretty regularly already.


(Above: Amunet, Polight, & Raet on Sex, Race, Trump, & Black Women YOUTUBE)

I would assume the reverse of this would also be something to consider, although the majority of these type of multi-parent situations that I know of involve woman sharing a common link to one man. But given the incarceration rates (or unjust incarceration laws) affecting black men, this is no surprise.

Like she suggests, the practice must be shielded by a sub-culture bubble from the mainstream norms. As a matter of fact, Africana diaspora nations may offer more fertile soil. But the fundamental concept is sound--multiple parents who share a common father or mother spouse making those ties of accountability stronger to each other. Classicists of all cultural stripes point out that bisexual polygyny was an ancient norm to foster and reify permanent inter-generational collaboration, interdependence, and harmony among familial codependents. The internet is full of loving examples of poly triads, throuples, threesome relationships, &c. As long as there is some sort of serious classic cultural understanding and appreciation taking place, alongside relentless communication and emotional therapy, these relationships should thrive.


(Above: Living Off-Grid, Polygyny, Set Apart Living YOUTUBE)


(Above: Aayanna & Polygyny YOUTUBE)

And maybe the women wouldn't all want to get married to a brother, but perhaps they might define for themselves a higher definition or title for their mutual relationship than "baby mamas/daddys" as to hold each other accountable for each other's and the collective responsibilities; belonging to the shared family unit collectively. What's needed isn't matriarchy or patriarchy; every child knows it doesn't want to be patronized or matronized, just balanced in tune with the cradle.


(Above: She Hate Me 2004 YOUTUBE | IMDB | AMAZON)

Here's what she had to say:

"I stumbled upon a blog last week about Polygamy, it's African and biblical origins and as a possible alternative for single parent homes so prevalent today and breakdown of the black family in western culture. Reading what everyone had to say was really interesting and got me thinking a lot deeper on the subject. Perhaps a modified version could be the cure for the destruction. At first when I read it I was like, 'hell nah that's some crazy cult mess,' then I thought about my current situation.



(Above: Threesome 2018 YOUTUBE | IMDB | AMAZON)

"Neither of us are "married" to him but the three of us are bonded as a parental unit and have the common goal of love, nurturing, and growing. Which in theory loosely resembles a polygamist or closed polyamorist union.

"The basic idea of it can't be ignored as we all strive to regain and redefine the 'village' culture in western society. I think it would be interesting for The Liberator readers."


(Above: You Me Her 2016 YOUTUBE | IMDB | AMAZON)


(Above: Professor Marston & the Wonder Women YOUTUBE | IMDB | AMAZON)


(Above: Big Love 2006 YOUTUBE | IMDB | AMAZON)


(Looks Like Love To Me YOUTUBE)

Notable Polygyny on Social Media:
@poliginia


@the_cowives


@triamorlove


@thetrifectalove: @the_kassandra_lee, @carlyashira, & @paoulocq


@portahtriad


@ashleycoco_, @karytasantos, & @deraydavis


@im.with.them


@brother_polight, @raet777, & @amunetatumre


@2wives1husband, @kristylelove, & @kenyealove



"Personal Growth Through Consensual NonMonogamies: Considering boundaries, facing shadows, and embracing spirit" by Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CSE (psychologytoday.com)

For some people, the emotional rigors associated with consensual non-monogamies (CNM) offer a pathway to self-growth. Because the popular media tend to focus on sexuality when discussing polyamory and other forms of CNM, it might be surprising to hear that multiple-partner relationships can foster anything beyond orgasms, much less the lofty goals of personal growth. This is not to say that all or even most polyamorous folks are spiritually evolved, or that monogamous folks are any less spiritually evolved than those in CNM relationships. Discussion among some poly people or groups can have an obnoxious holier-than-thou tone, exalting CNM as superior and more evolved than monogamy. That is not this blog. Rather, the point is that polyamorous people can seek personal growth through their relationships - and some of them even find it.

Considering Boundaries

Selecting a CNM relationship means going outside of the conventional social boundaries that have been very clearly identified in the mass culture. In addition to the personal relationships of the people around them, people see monogamy and cheating demonstrated repeatedly in movies, television shows, songs, and pretty much every other form of media. If people want to have CNM relationships, they need to consider what they want, what they will not tolerate, and what they might be willing to compromise on. Pondering one’s boundaries can encourage self growth through reflection and testing limits. Many forms of CNM, and especially polyamory, emphasize self-possession, rather than partners possessing each other. This orientation towards self-possession means that people in CNM relationships are required to focus on and manage their own reactions, boundaries, and emotions.

Facing Shadows

Carl Jung famously defined the dark, unconscious, or repressed parts of a person's psyche as their shadow. Jealousy and other challenging emotions commonly relegated to the shadow can occur frequently in polyamorous and other CNM relationships. While some people can watch their lover making out with someone else and feel joy that their beloved has found a cutie to snog (in poly lingo, that special kind of joy is called compersion), for most people that it an incredibly challenging situation. Feeling the jealousy, learning how to manage it, living through it, and coming out the other side can be a harrowing journey that creates strength and resilience in the long run. Facing the jealous, angry, grasping, competitive, territorial, or insecure parts of their personalities and refusing to allow them to be in charge can help people grow beyond these shadow elements. Cultivating unconditional love, tolerance, and kindness through learning to tolerate and move beyond jealousy and insecurity can bring tremendous personal growth and peace.

Embracing Spirit

Some people find spiritual enlightenment through CNM relationships. Tantra, a sacred sexuality tradition based in tenets of Buddhism and Hinduism, offers some practitioners of CNM a way to integrate meditative and yogic elements into their multiple partner relationships. Polygamous relationships, a traditional form of multiple partner marriage often practiced as polygyny in which one husband can have multiple wives, are often embedded in religious communities such as the Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saints (Fundamentalist Mormons) or Islam.

In some cases, Afrocentric cultures in the United States also embrace polygyny as a way to reconnect with traditional practices of many African cultures. Racist laws, law enforcement, and sentencing mean that a disproportionately enormous number of African American men are incarcerated, leaving fewer possible partners for African American women who wish to marry an African American man. Such a gender imbalance among the heterosexual population can encourage polygamy. In other cases, the draw of connection in a hostile and divided world sparks people’s interest in intentional communities that blend spirituality, marriage, and mutual reliance. [via]


Polyamory Part 2 by Summer Rain (420nurses.com)

"Two are better than one, and three are even better, for a cord of three strands is not easily broken."
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

My Name is Summer and Ive been in a fun loving triad for almost 7 years now. A triad is generally made up of three adults who are all sexually involved, commonly understood as a ménage à trois [literally, "house of three"]. Most triads form when a single person joins an open couple. When I first met my couple, Chacha and Jimmy, I remember researching for these blogs or some sort of advice, like I’m writing now and I had very little luck. If I did find anything, it was very negative. Even today, Im about 10 pages into a polyamory book and Ive already read about 3 mini stories that end in disaster.

I had a great deal of positivity from my last blog linked below and that encouraged me to continue with more. Since then, my triad has expanded our 5 year plan, got engaged, and also was filmed for a media series and interviewed for a couple hours on our relationship. The 5 year plan includes marriage, babies and more, jimmy went above and beyond for our engagement which made the news, and the interview we did for Barcroft Media really gave us an opportunity to reflect on our life together.

I mentioned in my last post that “Our relationship was closed for many years due to me being uncomfortable with the idea of opening our triad.” “When I met my girlfriend and boyfriend it was at a concert that I attended with a group of girls for promotional modeling” “Being the “third” I never wanted to step on her toes, or make her feel uncomfortable with me.” These are some key topics I want to touch base on in this part two.

Respect is important

I was fortunate to join a couple with great problem solving skills, and a very strong foundation which relied on communication. In order to be in a stable poly triad, you have to have an equal respect for all members and find an open way to communicate. This is especially important if you are entering a couples relationship. I remember coming into the relationship I never wanted to step on her toes or make her feel uncomfortable with me. I was sleeping in her bed, eating her food, even down to the point where when things first got intimate, I just let her tell me what to do. And not to always say that primary and secondary roles have to exist, but you do have to be somewhat understanding of boundaries, and you need to be submissive to the person, or people you are joining. This doesn’t have to be a spoken thing really, when I met Chacha and Jimmy, they never really put any rules for me. Our way of life, and way to respect each other sort of just came about naturally. I’ve learned Chacha doesn’t like hickies and jimmy doesn’t like when you wander off without telling where you’ll be going. I’ve learned they both needs lots of hugs and kisses, even when they seem busy or standoff-ish. Ive learned so much about these two and I cant wait to learn more. It is ok to make mistakes but it’s important to never forget your intent. If you have questions, talk about it, If you, or he or she needs space, ask for it, or give it. Joining a couples relationship Is not the time to put up walls, it’s the time to break them all down.

Opening up

With our triad being closed for many years, or polyfidelitous, the relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual activity to only other members of the group, I witnessed both my girlfriend, and boyfriends urge or explore and meet more people. I really didn’t think I could handle it. Any topic of bringing another girl into the picture stressed me out, and if Im being honest, it also turned me on. Confusing right? Why would I be assuming all this negativity but still internally excited? How could I possibly share my thoughts and feelings about this with not one person, but in front of two possibly three? Was I not enough to fulfill my couple? If I went through with being openly poly, would we stay doing everything together or would things separate? All questions I had to ask myself. I remember sitting my couple down and suggesting they went and dated without me, and they could either share their experiences when they got home or maybe I wouldn’t even wanna know. I was really confused on how I could possibly make it work. At that point is when they made it clear they wanted me involved if expanding our hearts further was going to work. This was comforting, but took a lot of prying and being extremely uncomfortable in my skin. Without struggle there is really no growth, and Im thankful for the struggles I come across because it really does bring growth...

The Engagement

My triad owns a business together and we were hosting an event the night before their 10 year anniversary. Chacha and Jimmy had been together 3-4 years before meeting me, so this was their big 10 years. Our boyfriend Jimmy walked on stage with our girlfriend Chacha and myself telling the whole crowd at an event he was going to freestyle a rap, so everything naturally started filming. He started confessing his love for us both, and I truly had no idea what was happening at that point, even being so close to their anniversary. As he kept talking we both started to notice his nervousness and we all started to feel it, something big was about to happen. With lights flashing all around, he got on one knee and two rings appeared when he asked us if WE would marry him. I naturally looked to Chacha for approval, as she said YES, I did too. I started shaking uncontrollably I was in complete shock and once again honored to be unified even further with them. We later found out that our rings were made from a single diamond split into two, from the same solid stone. He did great. We started to discuss our wedding plans a year from that same date, but with the baby fever kicking in, and mother natures clock ticking away, we planned to speed up our date to December 15 of this year 2019, Giving us about 6 months to plan a unique, one of a kind polyamorous wedding ceremony for three people rather than two. Im really excited to see where life takes us, as I continue growing up, I’m finding that loving more than one person is really rewarding, and I know we all have more love to share.

Unicorns

A unicorn is a poly cliche of a bisexual woman who will fit into the couples life at their convenience, bringing no additional partners of her own, disappear or pass as a friend when being openly poly might embarrass or inconvenience the couple, and hopefully wants to do the laundry and take care of the kids.

I feel the term unicorn and unicorn hunting is portrayed as such a negative term in poly communities, and as someone who was a unicorn, and or now, “hunts unicorns.” This isn’t really a bad thing, as for me, it was an honor. The third person, or unicorn has to be universally submissive or the formation of the triad will not work. I was willing and ready to find our way to making it work, even if that meant passing off as the friend for awhile, or skipping a few conjoined holidays. It is ok to be unsure, it is ok to be bisexual and sexually open. Even though not always the case, unicorn Hunters are generally, just like my couple, a heterosexual man and bisexual or heteroflexible woman looking for a bisexual woman. Again, to me, not a derogatory term. Bisexual women are fetishized for the very reason couples seek them out. It is culturally desirable to have threesomes with two women. One of the opinions I’ve read “It is not as desirable to have threesomes with two men because of our deeply ingrained cultural homophobia. It perpetuates erasure of bisexual men by embedding a preference for girl-on-girl sex into our perception of sexuality.” I’ve had many people ask why not another man, or why not a non-binary or transexual. Im a female polyamorous bisexual so to me, a manly man, and a girly girl is my preference. Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or to more than one sex or gender. It's different from Pansexuality, which is a romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity. I think people will judge anything they don’t understand and this is no different. I'm not homophobic because I would prefer to see girl on girl action, over boy on boy. It is simply my sexual preference... "Happiness - only real when shared" (Christopher McCandless). [via]


Pictures of the Thai King’s Consort Broke the Internet — But What’s a Consort? by Elizabeth Yuko (RollingStone.com)

The king of Thailand announced this week that he was naming a 34-year-old woman (and military general) as his official consort — in addition to his wife.

Earlier this week, Thailand’s Royal Household Bureau released more than 60 photos of King Maha Vajiralongkorn Bodindradebayavarangkun and his consort, on their website, and quite literally broke the internet — the pictures ended up being so popular that on Monday, the website crashed.

But these weren’t your average royal portraits: In addition to the formal shots we’ve come to expect from members of a monarchy, there were also more unusual images, including ones of the consort — Maj. Gen. Sineenat Wongvajirapakdi — wearing a camouflage sports bra in an airplane cockpit, as well as others of her in military gear holding a dog.

Though the website also released a lengthy biography of Sineenat (currently only available in Thai), the whole display has raised many questions: Who is Sineenat? What is her role in the Thai monarchy? Is wearing a sports bra as a top acceptable attire in a military aircraft? And, most notably, what exactly is a consort, and why hasn’t there been one in Thailand for almost 100 years?

First, some background. King Maha Vajiralongkorn currently has both a queen and a consort. He married Queen Suthida Vajiralongkorn Na Ayudhya a few days prior to his coronation in May 2019. The king was previously married — and subsequently divorced — three times before marrying Queen Suthida. Then, two months later, King Maha Vajiralongkorn named General Sineenat his official consort. Now, thanks to the newly released images and biography, the public is learning a bit more about her.

According to her official royal bio, General Sineenat was born on January 26th, 1985 in the northern Thai province of Nan. She graduated from the Army Nursing College in 2008, and has completed several military courses, in areas such as jungle warfare, combat, night parachuting, as well as training to be a private pilot.

The term “consort” can, in some contexts, simply mean the spouse of a reigning monarch. However, according to Tamara Loos, Ph.D., professor of history and Asian studies at Cornell University, in the Thai monarchy it refers to one type of wife in a historical system that included both queens and consorts in a polygynous relationship with the king.

“If you just go back about a hundred years or more, polygyny performed a political function,” Loos tells Rolling Stone, referring to the type of polygamy that involves a man having more than one wife. Given the expansive geography of Southeast Asia, allowing the king multiple spouses served as a way to integrate the different settlements into a kingdom. “It wasn’t about sex, it wasn’t about depravity — and I’m not saying that didn’t happen, but, it really served an important political purpose,” she says...

At this point, it is unclear what General Sineenat’s official duties as consort will be, but Loos says that her actual role matters less than the optics of releasing these photos. “He’s very boldly and publicly displaying the fact that he is a polygynous king,” she explains... [via]

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